Sean........

Why does Sean think that he is a man of morality, achievements, and
noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety
in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly
matter? Does he enjoy the dubious cachet of being the world's most
jejune yo-yo? And will the world ever be free of horny, impulsive
mountebanks like him? This letter is not the place to explore the
answers to those questions. Its purpose is instead to wage war on
onanism. Before I say anything else, I'd like to state the following
disclaimer for Sean's benefit: Warning! This letter may contain
sarcasm. Okay, now that that's taken care of, let me posit the
hypothesis that Sean insists that those of us who oppose him would
rather run than fight. How can he be so blind? Very easily.
Basically, I am convinced that there will be a strong effort on Sean's
part to send children to die as martyrs for causes that he is unwilling
to die for himself before you know it. This effort will be disguised,
of course. It will be cloaked in deceit, as such efforts always are.
That's why I'm informing you that we are observing the change in our
society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption,
decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically
incorporated in one person: Sean.

Though the pushy spring up like grass and mendacious, cocky power
brokers flourish, they are doomed to be destroyed forever—especially if
we look at our situation realistically and from a viewpoint that takes
in the whole picture. In particular, Sean sees himself as a postmodern
equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting
it from its oppressors (viz., those who make plans and carry them out).
By brainwashing his underlings with snobbism, he makes them easy to
lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave. Sean should not
progressively enlarge and increasingly centralize the means of
oppression, exploitation, violence, and destruction. Not now, not ever.


When Sean first announced that he wanted to sow the seeds of discord,
I nearly choked on my own stomach bile. He truly believes that
unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious
information are the best way to make a point. I hope you realize that
that's just a mephitic pipe dream from a vicious pipe and that in the
real world, Sean uses the word "protocatechualdehyde" to justify giving
rise to combative hellions. In doing so, he is reversing the meaning of
that word as a means of disguising the fact that he's trying to get us
to acquiesce to a Faustian bargain. In the short term this bargain may
help us find more constructive contexts in which to work toward
resolving conflicts. Unfortunately, in the long term it will enable
Sean to alter, rewrite, or ignore past events to make them consistent
with his current "reality".

Sean's comrades consider his solutions a breath of fresh air. I,
however, find them more like the fetid odor of faddism. I have long
been under the impression that the unalterable law of biology has a
corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, Sean's desire to
encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice
witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become bilious bottom-feeders is the
chief sign that he's a vulgar, jaundiced individual. (The second sign
is that Sean feels obliged to inculcate the hermeneutics of suspicion in
otherwise open-minded people.)

Sean may be sincere, but he is also sincerely virulent. So who's
crazy? I, or all the stupid, vexatious conspiracy theorists who claim
that society is supposed to be lenient towards the most judgmental
buffoons you'll ever see? Before you answer, let me point out that he
should think about how his conclusions lead churlish airheads to
befuddle the public and make sin seem like merely a sophisticated
fashion. If Sean doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should
just keep quiet. I don't wish to psychologize here, but last summer, I
attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince
Sean that he has let his lofty-yet-irrational views cloud his sense of
taste and reality. As I expected, Sean was entirely unconvinced. There
is one final irony to my story. Sean is unable to remove his mental
shackles.

..... what

-Makes a Patrick voodoo doll-