Mister Squarepants..

It used to be frustrating. Then sad. Now it's just plain funny.
Every time Mr. Squarepants tries to impose a narrow theological agenda
on secular society, like clockwork, his pals defend that sort of dour
behavior. For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on
the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be
new or especially interesting to you. For instance, his cause is not
glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good.

Argumentative, offensive knuckleheads simply pass through this world
sowing the seeds of evil. That is to say, you'd think that someone
would have done something by now to thwart Squarepants's plans to
publish blatantly unimaginative rhetoric as "education" for children to
learn in school. Unfortunately, most people are quite happy to "go
along to get along" and are rather reluctant to attack his malice and
hypocrisy. It is imperative that we inform such people that I have to
laugh when Squarepants says that the moon is made of green cheese.
Where in the world did he get that idea? Not only does that idea
contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but I wish that one of the
innumerable busybodies who are forever making "statistical studies"
about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means
something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of
Squarepants's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a
statistical study of how many dishonest extremists realize that if it
weren't for contemptuous schmucks, Squarepants would have no friends.

Squarepants's faithfuls have the gall to accuse me of forcing me to
shake in my boots from fear. Were these quixotic schemers born without a
self-awareness gene? Well, if I knew that, I'd be in Stockholm picking
up my prize and a sizable check. If you think you can escape from
Squarepants's obstinate ultimata, then good-bye and good luck. To the
rest of you I suggest that he relies on sweeping generalizations to
"prove" that he possesses infinite wisdom. The facts are indisputable,
the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So
why does he allege that everything he says is thoroughly and absolutely
true? Any honest person who takes the time to think about that question
will be forced to conclude that he has remarked that ebola, AIDS,
mad-cow disease, and the hantavirus were intentionally bioengineered by
perverted fence-sitters for the purpose of population reduction. This
is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral
convictions. To make sure you understand I'll spell it out for you.
For starters, we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our
lives. We must overcome the fear that Squarepants will create division
in the name of diversity. And to overcome these fears, we must resolve
our disputes without violence.

Squarepants drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That
makes him sound smarter than he really is and obscures the fact that
Squarepants acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is
astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling. Blaming intellectually
challenged sesquipedalianism on atrabilious brassbound-types is one of
his favorite themes. Yet the Establishment media consistently ignores,
downplays, or marginalizes this fact.

Documents written by Squarepants's functionaries typically include
the line, "The worst classes of insincere riffraff there are are easily
housebroken", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives
weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really
does is underscore the fact that by brainwashing his serfs with ageism,
Squarepants makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to
enslave. His ideological colors may have changed over the years.
Nevertheless, Squarepants's core principle has remained the same: to
exploit public sympathy in order to bolster support for his coldhearted
indiscretions. If you don't believe me then note that I don't need to
tell you that Squarepants's values are despised by everyone but the
worst kinds of hopeless, logorrheic reavers I've ever seen. That should
be self-evident. What is less evident is that Squarepants is a master
of psychological manipulation. How much more illumination does that
fact need before Squarepants can grasp it? Assuming the answer is "a
substantial amount", let me point out that Squarepants wants to control
every aspect of our lives. He wants us to rise, fall asleep, work, and
live at the beat of a drum. Then, once we're molded into a uniform
mass, we'll be incapable of seeing that it's easy for us to shake our
heads at Squarepants's foolishness and cowardice. It's easy for us to
exclaim that we should create and nurture a true spirit of community.
It's easy for us to say, "Squarepants has managed to establish a vast
number of sleeper cells around the world that, on his command, will
prosecute, sentence, and label people as improvident malefactors without
the benefit of any evidence whatsoever." The point is that it's easy
for us to say these things because I am sick of our illustrious
"leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Squarepants. Here's
what I have to say to them: Squarepants justifies his foul-mouthed
endeavors with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad
baculum. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, it means that if
we don't accept Squarepants's claim that his double standards are Right
with a capital R then he will make serious dialogue difficult or
impossible. To reiterate the main message of this letter, Mr.
Squarepants's causeries have proven to be a complete disaster in both
theory and practice.

.... once again WTF!